This past week was hard and kinda crazy. With very little notice my mother showed up for the week. I had lots of plans for this week but with her arrival on my doorstep all of my resolve for this Made To Crave study disappeared. Almost. I was hit hard with my need for Jesus and shown just how much I use food to stuff my feelings and never let them see the light of day. I feel emotionally drained now and humbled to see how little I turn to my Lord for comfort and strength. I had just as many victories against the chocolate idol as I had defeats. But my true victory was in seeing and noticing my need for Jesus and how I have silenced that need with food. I will let my soul cry out for my God, my Holy Father and not silence my soul with potato chips and Milky-Way bars. Now I am aware of what is happening and I think that is half the battle. This realization is a painful victory but it is a victory to the glory of God.
Charters 1-3 Reflection questions and a few notes: I am not going to answer all of the questions just a few from each chapter. With these first three chapters and all of the crazy events that happened this week I learned that I try too hard to do everything myself. I am not talking about the dishes and childcare but the sort of stuff that I should surrender to Jesus. I want to have a real relationship with Him yet I turn to food for comfort instead of Him! Sounds silly on this page but it is true. If I do not let Him comfort me then how will I know Him as my comforter?!
Lysa also said that we crave what we eat. I put that to the test with water. I am not a big fan of water but most of the time I made myself drink water. I still do not like water so it must take more than a week. I’ll let you know when I actually crave water.
One of the questions asked what my cravings look like and what would I ask my cravings. I imagine my cravings to look like a black hole. A great big swirling mass of need that is never satisfied. I feel like I have a black hole in my soul. Nice. Why do I have a black hole? What are you trying to drown? What is so awful, what need do you represent? Why am I crying and on the verge of falling apart realizing that you represent something I really want to run away from. You are something that I need to surrender to Jesus. You represent something so hurtful that I would rather die by food than acknowledge your existance…