This week was atypical in a most normal way. This was a good and productive week…but somewhat unsettling to me. Little things and odd moments breaking my heart. A few days ago my Oldest’s voice was noticeably lower due to his cold. Still the moment was a reminder to me of changes to come and all too soon. Middle Boy slipped further into the realm of music this week. His fingers play an imaginary piano when his siblings practice and his face distorts in pain when one of them misses a proper key. He is moving away from me into a world I cannot hear. Sparkles is developing her own sense of fashion. I prefer dark colors of autumn and quiet winter and she is like the Spring…all bright and beautiful. Littlest is a bit insecure these days and it is my fault, my fault, my most grievous fault. I thought he would enjoy preschool away from home but he does not. He clings to me now and is difficult…I’m afraid he feels unwanted. I tell him it will be over soon…in April. I tell him to be strong and he is…very strong willed.
Friday is piano lessons day with Mrs. Melody. Littlest loves going over to Mrs. Melody’s home. On mornings we go to preschool he always says he would rather go see Mrs. Melody. This week her little grandson was visiting so we had a wonderful time playing with him. Even Littlest, who isn’t that fond of other babies, will cover him with kisses and hugs. Our music practice during the week has changed. Over the Christmas break I spent quite a bit of time thinking about music. I used to just have them practice whenever I could fit in the time but now it is part of our school day. We now have math and music time right after breakfast. While someone is practicing music the others are working on math. We keep this schedule even on the weekends when we are less likely to put in a full day of schooling (though sometimes we do). Since starting this routine, Littlest has shown more interest in the piano. He will sit with his siblings sometimes and pretend to play next to them. He can now find middle C and demands his own practice time. The older ones praise and applaud his efforts and he tries even harder to please them in those moments. He already loves the piano and I am sure it will not be long before he is a student of Mrs. Melody.
Saturday, Sparkles and I went clothes shopping. After clearing out her closet she had nearly nothing to wear. We spent a fun afternoon of shopping together. I discovered that she loves bright colors and comfortable clothing. She also begins to miss her brothers after a while. All she could talk about was her brothers and how much she missed them. I learned that she hates blue jeans, wonders how many children she will have, and wonders what the name of her future husband will be. We found her a few things to wear but not as much as I would have liked. My little Sparkles is only nine years but her sudden” woman hips” keeps her from wearing most items available to purchase. We did eventually find some knit pants that she could actually wear. She was so happy…ecstatic even. We haven’t been able to find pants to fit her in nearly a year!!! After clothes shopping we went to a couple of thrift shops and bought a bunch of books. She loves shopping for books more than clothing…at least we have one thing in common.
Monday started off with emotional fireworks from Middle Boy. He burst into tears while trying to practice some piece from Bach. He could not stand some notes played together. I was at a complete loss. I told him that Bach was a master and could not be wrong about which notes went together. I really didn’t know what to do. Oldest got up from his math work and sat at the piano with Middle Boy and went over every single note and together they worked out the problem. I could not comprehend the issue let alone work out the solution. Yet, my oldest son took it upon himself to help his little brother. I am grateful that he is such a willing helper to his younger siblings and a bit lost and sorrowful that I cannot help in these moments of musical crises. I wanted to cry because in this moment they moved away from me…I weep writing this…bitter, bitter tears…and thank Jesus for an older son who can help his brother…another helpless, inadequate moment for me…
Tuesday was just crazy. It was supposed to be Littlest’s first day back at preschool…except the high school had a bomb threat. We got caught up in the middle of that mess!!! Crazy…mad as a March hare!!! We just went home and I prayed for the desperate individual that caused such a mess. Littlest was happy to be home and we went on with a normal homeschooling day. I called Sonlight and ordered our next science curriculum.
Wednesday night was Awesome because midweek church services were back in session. The crew was so excited to be back to church classes. I was totally freaked out to learn that my crew were the topic of conversation during worship committee meetings!!! I was in a near state of panic! What could they have done to be a
topic of the worship committee!!! Their ability to play the piano and love of music was the topic of conversation but I did not take the moment to appreciate that. I launched into a lecture that they were not talented but worked hard at practicing music. I really should not have gone into that and feel so bad. Yes, they have some talent but I never tell my crew they are talented. I praise their hard work. I also point out to my crew the Parable of the Talents from the Bible. God rewards those who invest in their talents and not in those who bury their talents (Mathew 25:14-30 and Luke 19:12-27) . I believe teaching them the value of their work is of far more value than praising their talent. However, at this moment I should have accepted the praise instead of giving a lecture on the value of work. I feel so very, very bad about that moment at church.
Today it snowed. Littlest was supposed to go to school today…but he was having so much fun with his siblings in the snow that I could not bring myself to take him to preschool. They were all so happy and having fun that I just let the day and most of the responsibilities with it go. We did a nature study on snow. Created a deciduous tree in snow artwork, made a tortilla snowflake snack, and played in the snow most of the day. Today was a good day. We enjoyed the gift of snow. I let Littlest skip preschool today…we were rebels today.
Rebels….today was awesome!
Linking up with: Weird Unsocailized Homeschoolers:
January 16, 2015 at 1:41 am
January 16, 2015 at 5:11 am
I suspect parenting is one of the most heart wrenching experiences ever. I also suspect that feeling inadequate is a good place to be. It makes us rely on Jesus more, ourselves less and in the process we become better parents.
You’re doing a great job!
January 16, 2015 at 12:30 pm
Thank you…your words are like a warm hug.
January 16, 2015 at 1:05 pm
Lovely week you had. Sorry it was bitter sweet but as our kids grow – we grow. I’m visiting from weekly wrapup.
January 16, 2015 at 11:55 pm
Thank you for taking the time to comment. We did have a good week…even if I got over emotional about it.
January 17, 2015 at 1:52 am
Sometimes it’s great to be a rebel if that means doing what you know is best for your family. Sounds like you are doing a wonderful job and raising children who care for each other. And the girl hips thing… My now 13 year old has had that trouble for years and she was even malnutrition due to illness for a while. We bought pants to fit the hips with adjustable waists. Now that she’s too big for adjustable waists I still buy to fit the hips and take in the waists myself. It’s a trial, but she loves her clothes.
January 20, 2015 at 11:37 am
I seriously need to learn to sew!
January 20, 2015 at 9:33 pm
We’ve had some tears over the piano before too. I want to encourage you that you are doing well because you are a willing vessel for God to use. I pray you will feel God’s grace. No mom is perfect. But our kids remember that we were present in their childhood. Love will cover a multitude of mistakes. Your kids are adorable and you are a good mom. ((hugs))
January 22, 2015 at 8:11 pm
Thank you so much!
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