The days dance by and they all seem the same
seasons change and children too
in quiet moments I see the illusion
the days and moments
are not the same
every moment is
to dwell in step with
the Incarnate One
Advent is the beginning of the Christian New Year. Fragments of this poem came to me while I worked this past Sunday (there was more but I cannot recall). There is a certain monotony to chasing numbers at work that leaves the quiet inner mind free to wander and pray. Sunday was the first day of Advent so the mystery of the Incarnation was on my mind. My soul is also ready to begin reflecting on the lessons from this past year. I got lost in the chaos of business at times and am only just beginning to learn how to work outside the home, keep a home and home educate all in the same days. I have by no means arrived but I can see the light now.
I really do see the way through but have to muster the ability for discipline that I have not exorcised since my monastic days….yes exorcised…as in laziness.
Our read aloud the past few weeks has been “I Am Malala” and we likely will finish the book just before Christmas. We are captivated by her story and her love for not just education but for her people and culture as well. Sometimes I am so overcome with so much grief that my daughter has to finish reading the chapter to us. My children are accustomed to my tears these days. The older I get the more I weep. Malala’s story shatters my heart and in a small, quiet way I love her. She is courage incarnate but I think the real hero is her father. His love granted her courage…he made her brave and he is the quiet hero by her side. I pray every father can lead their daughters to shine like Malala’s father. They are a brave family and I hope they can go home one day.
I love being a homeschooling mother and sometimes the business of my life has made me lose sight of that joy…but no more. I will not forget my primary purpose in life is to them and my husband and not to my job and housework. The dusting, laundry and the job will always be around but not my husband and children. I learned that this year…like beaten on the head with a sharp stick learned it this year! I have also come to accept that I cannot do high-school with my oldest and work at the same time. He’ll just be cheated because I am tired. I am looking at Hewitt Home-school for now but there are some local options to consider too. I have some difficult decisions to make in the next few months. I’ve never guided a human being into adulthood before…I quake with fear and pray God will oversee my inabilities.
I love being a homeschooling mother but sometimes it is really scary. I mean really frightening! Are his failures my fault? Would he have been better guided by the public education system? Am I arrogant? Sometimes I am consumed with doubt. But I believe that is the lot of most homeschooling mothers facing high-school for the first time. I am confidant that we will find our way…I just wish that I had the knowledge now. But faith does not work that way…belief first, then success.
I have no idea how to write about all the happenings since my last post. So I am just going to post a plethora of pictures.